For those left behind after a suicide, the devastating emotions range from heartache to confusion to guilt. And questions. So many questions.

“It’s unlike anything else and if you’ve never dealt with it, you can’t really understand,” said Dixie Morrison, whose brother and father both took their own lives. “For me, I play it randomly over in my head. I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster for the last five years … You wonder, what did I miss, what could I have seen? And you’ll never know. It just haunts you forever.”

Morrison, who lives on Orcas, is leading three other women, calling themselves “Hope and Healing,” who will be crew members in an Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk.

Sponsored by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, it is held twice a year in a different city and will be in Seattle on June 14 and 15. The walk starts at dusk and ends at dawn, covering up to 18 miles.

“The walk is for suicide prevention but the foundation also helps those who have been affected by it – like surviving family members,” Morrison said. “Suicide is a stigma. People don’t want to talk about it. Mental health in our country is so screwed up. When people need help, they can’t get it.”

AFSP is a national nonprofit organization dedicated to understanding and preventing suicide through research, education and advocacy, and reaching out to people with mental disorders and those impacted by suicide.

The team Hope and Healing consists of Morrison, her mom Judy Smith, her mother-in-law Eileen Dean who lost her brother-in-law to suicide and her friend Kim Kern, whose cousin committed suicide. Smith lives in Kent, Wash and both Dean and Kern reside on Orcas Island.

Instead of participating in the walk, the women decided to be crew members who provide assistance to the walkers. It’s a role Morrison is familiar with after lending a hand during the Susan G. Komen Three-Day Walk in Seattle five years ago.

“We thought being a crew to assist was the next best thing. We don’t have to raise money but we want to help. We have a team goal of $2,000,” Morrison said. “This walk means a great deal to us and our hope is that we can prevent another life lost, support those who have lost loved ones in this devastating way, and break down the stigma that surrounds mental health and suicide.”

They are planning local fundraising events and are accepting donations at their individual donor pages at: http://www.theovernight.donordrive.com. You can also mail a check to Morrison at 102 Spruce St, Eastsound, WA 98245. Make checks payable to AFSP. All donations are 100 percent tax deductible.

According to AFSP, a suicide attempt happens every minute of every day. Every 14 minutes, someone in the U.S. dies by suicide. Ninety percent of all people who die at their own hand have a diagnosable psychiatric disorder at the time of their death. There are four male suicides for every female suicide, but three times as many females as males attempt suicide. More than 60 percent of all people who die by suicide suffer from major depression. If one includes alcoholics who are depressed, this figure rises to over 75 percent. More Americans suffer from depression than coronary heart disease (17 million), cancer (12 million) and HIV/AIDS (1 million).

Morrison’s brother shot himself five years ago and her father did the same last year. She says the pain is still fresh and raw, but eventually she hopes to create a support group for people on the island who have lost loved ones to suicide.

“Generally, people who kill themselves don’t want to die, they just want their pain to end,” Morrison said. “I am not angry at them, I am just heartbroken. It just breaks my heart that they were so sad and troubled and didn’t think there was any way out.”

Help is there for those in need

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline has a crisis hotline: at 1-800-273-TALK. Anyone who calls will be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in their area, anytime 24/7. For more info, visit www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. For additional information about prevention, understanding suicide, coping with loss, advocacy, education and more, visit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention website at www.afsp.org.