by Thomas Baldwin

Orcas Crossroads Board

We all have one thing in common. We are of different political and religious persuasions, different cultures, ethnicities, and ages, but we will all die. Talking about this inevitability is often uncomfortable, so it was something of a surprise that a large group gathered around tables at Emmanuel church on a Tuesday evening to discuss issues raised in Atul Gawande’s book, “Being Mortal.” The library partnered with Orcas Crossroads in sponsoring this event, the first offering in Crossroad’s new mission to invite the community to “Join the Conversation.”

A PBS news interview of Gawande, entitled “We all die, so why don’t we die well?” kicked off the conversations. Numerous ideas emerged in the lively discussions. Among the common themes were: (1) Is there a perfect death or is that only a myth? (2) Death involves more than the single person – it involves the entire family and close friends, who are needed in the discussion of death before tough decisions need to be made. (3) Parents may need to impress upon their “kids” how vital these discussions are, even if their “kids” are themselves parents or grandparents. How can the entire family be engaged in planning for the eventual death of member of the clan? (4) It is important to be totally honest with our loved ones about what quality of life would be acceptable to us in our final days. (5) We all need an advocate who knows our wishes and can assure that our wishes are followed when we are unable to argue for ourselves. (6) How can we manage to continue to live on Orcas Island until the inevitable end of our lives, if that’s what we desire?

Owing to the success of the evening, Orcas Crossroads will again partner with the library and Libby Garcia, RN, to host a Death Cafe. The conversation will be held on Saturday, Nov. 21 from 2 to 3:30 p.m. at Emmanuel Parish Hall. There is no charge. With a little practice, and support from our friends and neighbors, perhaps we can all become more comfortable with our mortality. As one participant pointed out, “It’s important that we get our stuff together before it’s too late.” This echoes Gawande’s observation that “Hope is not a plan.”

More about the Death Cafe

Death Cafe is a place to talk about death, accompanied by coffee, tea, and cake. Begun in Europe, reshaped in the UK by John Underwood based on the work of Bernard Crettaz, Death Cafe has spread into a global forum. The motto: “To increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives.”

Death Cafes are an open forum to encourage rich community conversation in a supportive structure. There is no particular perspective. Topics are as diverse as the interests of the participants regarding death including: fear of death, metaphysics, grief, hospice vs. palliative care, physiology of death, advanced care directives, family discussions, dying differently, death with dignity. Come join the conversation and have cake!

For more information about the Nov. 21 event, contact Janice Wiemeyer at 376-3870.