Gentle bipeds,

Since my victoory in the mayooral race yoour questions have been poouring in. I am udderly impressed that yoou want me to ruuminate on yoour thoughts. Thank yoou  I’m honored.

Our first question comes from an unidentified citizen: how now brown cow?

Like all great winners, I’m goooing to Disneyland!

“Cudcerned Citizen” writes: Dearest April, You say you are outstanding in your field, but I often see you lying down on the job. What is your workday like?

I’m glad yoou  asked that, I ruuuminate many hoours a day which can be exhausting when you’re carrying such weight and responsibility. Just because you see me lying dooown dooesn’t mean I have stopped ruuminating on what’s best for oour toown and the wee bipeds. I just like to get oooff my hooves once in awhile.

In the interest of full discloosure my assistant wants yoou to knoow that I am having hooof prooblems that we are treating with a special diet. I loove the variety of foods  some of you bring me yet,I behooove you not to bring me food or treats so I may stick to my diet. I have no willpoower when it comes to the delicacies you offer my four stoomachs.

Ladies enjoying coffee asked: April, as a representative of life on Orcas Island, how do you feel about being a single cow?

It’s been awhile, but I remember roolling in the hay! I enjooy the single life now and I believe it takes a darn goood mate to be better than noone!

A Green Friend writes: Dear April, Help! The tansy is blooming! You seem to know a lot about vegetation. What should I do? You’d be a sweetie to help me out.

You’re a goood green friend to be cowcerned about a noxious weed that has the ability to kill me and my quadruped friends.

This is what our weed oofficials tell me: the entire weed must be removed from all pasture land and hay fields. If you leave any parts of the pulled plant behind the smell changes and the animals cannot recognize it and it sneaks into their dinner. Tansy has been known to kill cattle right here on Orcas! Perish the thought.

Outside of the pastures and hayfields citizens need to remove the seed baring head and place in a garbage bag. Then pull the plant out by the roots and leave it behind to decompose.

For more information please call our friends at the county noxious weed control office at 376-3499.

Greg from Eastsound wants to know: are cowpatties truly vegetarian?

When they’re fresh, yes, but when flies and bugs move in they are like little prootein sprinkles thus ruuining the vegetarian aspect.

Don’t forget my inauguration bawl and VIP Soiree. Live well gentle bipeds!

April the cow, Eastsound’s honorary mayor