A family in need: Orcas Island mother shares about struggles

Published 2:04 pm Tuesday, November 29, 2011

A local mother shares what life is like for a struggling family.

Sheila doesn’t like to be labeled “poor.”

“We live in a world with a lot of poverty and we are still the upper class in this world,” she said. “In order for you to be able to give to other people, you have to pull yourself out of that mentality.”

It is something that Sheila, the married mother of three kids ranging in age from four to 13, has had to explain to her children.

The Orcas family is like other struggling island folks: they work hard, they save their money and they do without items that aren’t critical. Sheila (not her real name) puts in 15 hours a week in the child care profession. Her husband is an electrician whose work has slowed to 30 hours a week.

She and her family own an OPAL home. Their children receive health care through the state’s Department of Social and Health Services and participate in the reduced lunch program at school, and they use the food bank occasionally. The family has also used the services of Orcas Family Connections, the island’s family resource center.

Most notably, Sheila and her husband received help with therapy sessions through the Community Wellness Program, which she says has saved their marriage and given her the resources to build a support network to maintain sobriety.

“My husband and I have had a really rough couple of years,” she said. “We looked at separating, but we managed to move forward from that point to stay together. We have paid for counseling, which is a huge financial burden.”

After the Community Wellness Program was launched this past April, the couple received financial help with therapy sessions. Sheila says it has saved them around $1,000. The county-wide program provides short term counseling services for individuals, couples, families, and children. It is funded by the 1/10th of 1 percent mental health sales tax.

In June, the family’s car broke down. Without any extra money to fix it, they have been making do without wheels.

Her four-year-old participates in the state-run Early Childhood Education and Assistance Program, which provides free services and support to eligible pre-school children and their families. The goal of the program is to help ensure that all Washington children enter kindergarten ready to succeed. San Juan County’s ECEAP serves Orcas and Lopez, while San Juan Island has Head Start, which is federally funded.

Most recently, Sheila applied to the Working Connections program at DSHS for assistance with the cost of child care. She also sent in an application for Basic Food, which they “may or may not qualify for.”

“Every little bit helps getting through the winter,” she said. “I also feel really strongly that if we don’t qualify, that is okay. It goes to someone who needs it.”

Sheila says the hardest part about her financial situation is “admitting when you need help – or having someone tell you that you need help.”

“It is a struggle to not feel like there are expectations that aren’t being met when my husband is out there giving 100 percent of his energy to make ends meet. And I am doing the same thing. It’s hard to feel like we are not doing enough,” she said.

Sheila tries to give back as much as she receives.

“Someone once told me, ‘There is a gift in being able to ask someone for help. When you ask for help, you are allowing that person to give. And that is as much of a gift as it is to receive.’ … Being in a position to give to other people is a wonderful thing.”