by Coolaid Armstrange

Motivated by the need for more merriment in the streets, the San Juan County Council is considering an ordinance that would require one parade per island, per month.

“We simply don’t have enough foot parades,” said Council Chairman Ricardo Hewey. “The colors, the songs, the dancing. We need to be more free-spirited in our towns. Let your hair loose; cut a rug.”

Some of the proposed themes are: “May is for Hay,” “Jet-Setting June,” “Christmas in July” and “The Nude Days of August.”

But not everyone is ready for being footloose.

“There is a time and a place for joy – and it’s meant to be private, not public,” said naysayer Buzzkill McRuff. “I don’t need to see any more long-haired hippies gyrating their hips.”